Today was one of those years where my father's birthday fell on Father's Day. He would have been 58 years old today. I still can't believe he is gone and I miss him more and more everyday. I can't believe at the young age of 54 he left this life and went on to another. I can't believe he had to battle cancer three times over a six year period. I can't believe the pain he endured the last six years of his life both physically and emotionally.
It hurts so bad that he is not here to see his grandchildren grow up. It hurt that he was not there when his second grandchild KK was born. He would be amazed at how much she resembles him. I will never get to know how he views me as a mother. I will never get to share with him the joys and pains of parenting. I can't tell him how much the girls are growing and changing everyday and I can't tell him that I love him.
I dream about him often and think about him everyday. I hope that when I dream about him it is him coming to me in my dreams letting me know he is alright and that he is watching over me and my family. My dreams are all I have and I hang onto them even after I wake. Often times when the children wake me in the night if I am dreaming about my father I will try and return to the same dream. That is all I have now, my dreams.
1 comment:
Wow, it makes me feel so sad for you when i read things like this. I wish I could take your pain away. I know without a doubt your Dad is looking down on you with a wonderful smile on his face and is extremely proud of you! Your an awesome Mom and and example to so many! I'm thinking of you! Love, Amy
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